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Beautiful When Silent [[ADDED MARCH 30TH 2005]]

Once,
you told me I was beautiful.
Beautiful when silent,
under that double-edged stipulation
of being loved for what I am not.
I was anything but that.
 
You,
you never understood me.
Communication was our downfall,
if there had even been an "up-fall"
to a relationship built on pretense.
It was gossip at the fence.
 
We,
We are in a different place now.
Falling far apart,
but into the same restrictions,
"the stuff that dreams are made of."
These are not my dreams at all.

You Know This is For You [[ADDED MARCH 30TH 2005]]

You know this is for you.
We're both thinking the same thing,
but what does it feel like to think it there?
With the shapes in your room;
Imagine I'm there with you.
I swear, I can taste you so clear in my mind...
 
Sunset falls around you.
The person who's missing means everything,
but what would we be if "together" was here?
With it all standing still;
Imagine how it would feel.
I'd die just to feel you, and forget about time...
 
Did we really happen?
With memories of months reduced to a "fling,"
what does it feel like to breathe without me?
I feel your teeth and your tongue;
I still hear every song.
I'd kill just to know if you think about me.

Just the Rain

I'm not crying, it's just the rain...
If you know so much, why do you even ask?
If you know I'm wrong, why do you stick around?
Whether you're here or gone, I feel the same:
I remember so vivid, so bright,
so vulgar and harsh.
What's that I see, there, in your eyes?
Hard to tell: all of the above? Or nothing at all.
From bright to pitch black, I'm not sure where I stand.
It's only going to get worse.
If I were you, I don't know what I'd do.
Get ahold of yourself.
You're so better off there; I'm too scared of your truth.
Like windows and doors being slammed in my face,
and scars left to show I'm not crazy.
I'm not wrong, you were here,
and that's going to leave one hell of a mark.
On my mind, or my heart?
All the same, it's pointless from here;
Feed me your lies as I proudly fall apart
in the rain.

Train Wreck

Marked by an onslaught of obsessive behavior,
I've discovered my Satan and branded my savior;
I never get tired of lying on your floor...
Your whispered shout lets me know you want more.
I can't take back this train wreck,
I can begin to figure it out just yet...
I have nothing, nothing bu inevitable downfalls.
Wish my body would break and not thrive
on something that so burns me alive.
My lungs had imploded far back,
all hope for fear is long lost.
I no longer weigh the choice with its high cost;
it's priceless to me.
6 inches of death, thick skin holds me in.
I suffocate myself, yes, I am bad for my own health.
I'm sloppy and trigger happy,
pushing my own buttons until they all respond
with a blank comatose.
I shock myself to see if I can feel...
-- I'm just a ghost--
Tell me I'm wrong: this reality's not real.

My Window

It all goes by;
nothing more and nothing less than a future memory,
and all outside my window.
How lucky can one girl be?
It's as if I see it happening,
but I'm unmoved.
No sense in explaining, no sense in restraining
what I know will come.
What am I hiding from?
In my own 'safe place,' I look out from my window.
No one is safe here.
Not even me.
I picture, a movie, a scene.
A nightmare I'm living; a dream.

You and Me

You and me...
Already, I'm dead- a suicide.
My heart hung myself on the inside.
I don't understand
what you're asking of me, so please,
hold my hand...
Let me go.
I want you to hate me; I want you to know.
Leave so I can follow,
scream so I can cry.
Need my so I can bury you inside.
You and me.
I'm all alone; let's make this dungeon our home.
Splash in our misery, please.
It's no one but you and me.

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All poetry written by K. Gibson-Browne