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Beautiful When
Silent [[ADDED MARCH 30TH 2005]]
Once,
you told me I was beautiful.
Beautiful
when silent,
under that double-edged stipulation
of being loved for what I am not.
I was anything but that.
You,
you never understood me.
Communication
was our downfall,
if there had even been an "up-fall"
to a relationship built on pretense.
It was gossip at the fence.
We,
We are in a different place now.
Falling
far apart,
but into the same restrictions,
"the stuff that dreams are made of."
These are not my dreams at all.
You Know This
is For You [[ADDED MARCH 30TH 2005]]
You know this is for you.
We're both thinking the same thing,
but what does it feel like to
think it there?
With the shapes in your room;
Imagine I'm there with you.
I swear, I can taste you so clear
in my mind...
Sunset falls around you.
The person who's missing means everything,
but what would we be if "together"
was here?
With it all standing still;
Imagine how it would feel.
I'd die just to feel you, and forget about time...
Did we really happen?
With memories of months reduced to a "fling,"
what does it feel like to breathe
without me?
I feel your teeth and your tongue;
I still hear every song.
I'd kill just to know if you think about
me.
I'm not crying, it's just the rain...
If you know so much, why do you even ask?
If you know I'm wrong, why do you stick around?
Whether you're here or gone, I feel the same:
I remember so vivid, so bright,
so vulgar and harsh.
What's that I see, there, in your eyes?
Hard to tell: all of the above? Or nothing at all.
From bright to pitch black, I'm
not sure where I stand.
It's only going to get worse.
If I were you, I don't know what I'd do.
Get ahold of yourself.
You're so better off there; I'm too scared of your truth.
Like windows and doors being slammed in my face,
and scars left to show I'm not crazy.
I'm not wrong, you were here,
and that's going to leave one hell of a mark.
On my mind, or my heart?
All the same, it's pointless from here;
Feed me your lies as I proudly fall apart
in the rain.
Marked by an onslaught of obsessive behavior,
I've discovered my Satan and branded my savior;
I never get tired of lying on your floor...
Your whispered shout lets me know you want more.
I can't take back this train wreck,
I can begin to figure it out just yet...
I have nothing, nothing bu inevitable downfalls.
Wish my body would break and not thrive
on something that so burns me alive.
My lungs had imploded far back,
all hope for fear is long lost.
I no longer weigh the choice with its high cost;
it's priceless to me.
6 inches of death, thick skin holds me in.
I suffocate myself, yes, I am bad for my own health.
I'm sloppy and trigger happy,
pushing my own buttons until they all respond
with a blank comatose.
I shock myself to see if I can feel...
-- I'm just a ghost--
Tell me I'm wrong: this reality's not real.
It all goes by;
nothing more and nothing less than a future
memory,
and all outside my window.
How lucky can one girl be?
It's as if I see it happening,
but I'm unmoved.
No sense in explaining, no sense in restraining
what I know will come.
What am I hiding from?
In my own 'safe place,' I look out from my window.
No one is safe here.
Not even me.
I picture, a movie, a scene.
A nightmare I'm living; a dream.
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